My Humiliating Disaster…
I promised to share the embarrassing story that started my journey to being the high value woman.
Here we go…
One night, I was coming home from an evening out with a girlfriend. We passed by my boyfriend’s house, and I noticed a car parked in his driveway with out-of-State license plates.
I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.
You see, his ex-girlfriend was from Kentucky (the State the license plates were from). It was 1 am in the morning. So you can imagine what was going through my mind.
My friend happened to have a key to his house, since she was a close relative. I begged her to let me in. She made me promise I wouldn’t cause a scene. I promised. She let me in.
I was so nervous, I could barely breathe as I walked up the stairs.
I knocked on his bedroom door, my heart pounding wildly in my chest.
When the door opened, I saw her. She was sitting on the bed getting dressed. So was he.
He tried to give an explanation… I raised my hand to silence him.
I said one sentence to him…
…and walked out.
As I drove home in tears, self-worth shattered…
I vowed to live the VERY BEST life and only accept the best in ALL areas of my life.
I. WOULD. NEVER. SETTLE.
Three Years Later…
I was at the Boscolo Exedra Hotel in Rome, Italy.
The music was bumping, champagne flowing and swag bags with luxe goodies were being doled out. I was enjoying a swanky party on the hotel’s rooftop with a group of friends.
I was perched on a plush sofa, taking a break from dancing, when a woman walked over and sat down next to me. Her name was Daniela. She was one of my best friend’s acquaintances.
She asked me a question that would change my life—and the lives of tens of thousands of women world-wide—forever.
“Rhonda, how do you do it? How do you have the most amazing men vying for your attention? They’re always taking you out. I try to attract them. Nothing. How do you do it?”
I really hadn’t thought about it. I followed a natural process—or so I thought.
I told my by best guy friend, Guido, about my conversation with Daniela. (He’s in the photo of us enjoying a scrumptious dinner in Rome. He’s on my left)
He said, “Rhonda, sei la donna magnetica.” (Translation: Rhonda, you’re the magnetic woman.)
I asked him what he meant by that.
He said, “You have work you love and don’t have to answer to anyone. Opportunities flow to you. You attract the highest quality men without trying. You get into the best places in the city without waiting. You live internationally and travel when you want. All the best seems to be attracted to you. You’re magnetic.”
At that moment, the scene of me driving home crying and the vow I made to myself three years prior, flashed into my head.
My life wasn’t perfect, yet I was finally living my life as The Chooser. (A woman who consciously chooses what and who comes into her life—on her own terms—as opposed to waiting to be chosen)
The fact that most women never discover this power breaks my heart.
What’s unfortunate is, in that group of women, I’m betting there’s someone just like you….
…Someone who believed that if she was smart, accomplished and great at her work, then people would notice her value and get paid handsomely.
…Someone who believed since she was educated, attractive and had a great heart, the right, loving, successful high-caliber man would eventually find her and fall in love.
…Someone who has worked on herself for months, and things just didn’t work out.
The question is “WHY!?!”
Why do women fail at having a whole, fulfilling life?
And more important, how do “some” women beat the odds…
…and enjoy career and financial success, a passionate love life and a fulfilling lifestyle—all at once?
The answer lies in:
The Psychology Behind Why Women Fail
I’ll get straight to the point, no sugar-coating because I know you expect nothing less.
Most successful women started out dreaming of the lifestyle they wanted to create for themselves. They focused on education in their early twenties. Then building their careers in their late twenties and thirties.
They may have dated a bit, but work was priority. They thought a fulfilling relationship and lifestyle would eventually “show up” while they focused on becoming successful on their own terms.
(Who doesn’t want to be successful on their OWN terms?)
And many woke up in their thirties, forties and fifties—the fulfilling lifestyle they desired was no where to be found.
Then they focused on trying to achieve work-life balance. They were willing to do the work, too. They wanted to earn their personal life success, just like they earned it at work.
So, what happens?
It turns out that most women who try to create a holistic, fulfilling lifestyle end up going in circles for years. Making a little progress, here and there, but never getting what they want.
It’s simple. Most women are doing the wrong things.
And the problem is, when they spend time on all those things something strange happens:
They’ll waste 3 to 6 months trying online dating and reading relationship books, and have NOTHING to show for it other than a bunch of spam and attention from the wrong types of men. Then they take a break and focus on their work.
Then the holidays come around, or a girlfriend gets married and moves away. So they want to try again. They get a makeover and try to lose some weight. They don’t get much results, so they dive back into work…
Until the next “wake up call.”
This time they buy several self-development programs and e-courses. They start to see some improvement. But after several months, they still don’t have the results they desire.
And it feels like such hard work for so little reward, so they go back to focusing on work. At least they’ve had success there.
By now, they’ve wasted 2 or 3 years on this merry-go-round. They keep repeating the cycle…
And they still have NO RESULTS.
And that lack of results will demotivate the MOST AMBITIOUS woman.
(I’ve been there…)
It’s human psychology.
(The more time you spend working on something without a reward, the harder it is to continue doing it).
And that’s why, I believe, most women fail.
They start off in life with good intentions, but never achieve a holistic lifestyle because they waste time on things that NEVER deliver what they really desire: great relationships… supportive, high value friends, a fun social life… a fulfilling lifestyle with plenty of time for family and friends… all while growing their career and financial success.
It’s sad, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
So I have a question for you:
Are you worried that the same thing will happen to you?
Are you scared that you’ll waste your time on things that won’t work for you?
Or worse, maybe the same has already happened to you… and you’re tired of it?
If you said “YES!” you’re in the right place.
I’m going reveal the “time-wasting things” that cause well-deserving women like you to fail.
The “time-wasting things” that cause you to get no results… demotivated… and eventually cause you to burn out and quit.
And what’s better is, when you eliminate these time-wasters, I believe YOU CAN BEAT THE ODDS.
Let’s jump in.
Time-Waster #1: Understanding Men
This will anger gurus and experts world-wide, but I must tell you the truth.
I had a conversation with a woman who was upset with the dating and relationship industry.
She’s smart, financially successful and attractive. She tried everything. She spent the last year she spent trying to understand men and reading books on what men wanted.
One evening, she found herself listening to a teleclass I was teaching. When I said, “Trying to understand men when you’re attracting the wrong types of men is putting the cart before the horse. Instead, focus on understanding yourself.”
She said she felt like she was finally free.
The more she thought about what I said, the more she realized she’d been placing the focus (and her power) outside herself. The constant in every failed relationship was herself, and there was something she wasn’t able to see.
She’s not alone, 80% of women I speak with tell me they’ve tried everything, especially understanding men. And while they’ve seen improvements, they still don’t have what they want.
When you’re not attracting the right, high-caliber men you want in the first place, focusing on understanding men does greater damage.
You can try to “fix” things by behaving a certain way—or do certain things, but you’re still attracting the same types of men.
All this does is keep you on the dating hamster wheel. You think you’re moving ahead, but you keep repeating the same cycle over and over again.
This diminishes your power.
So I’m giving you permission to…
Focus on understanding yourself first. This increases self-knowledge and amplifies your power, thus changing your results.
Once you’ve found that, you’ll start attracting the right, high-caliber types of men.
That said, I actually think understanding men is a good thing and has it’s place. Once you’re attracting the right, high-caliber men you desire, then it’s more helpful.
This hasn’t just worked for me, it’s also worked fabulously for my clients and students…
Remember the woman I mentioned earlier?
She stopped focusing on understanding men and did what I’m sharing in this series.
Shortly after, she met a fabulous man. And now she’s planning her wedding to a wonderful, loving, affluent and ambitious Alpha man!
Time-Waster #2: Trying A Bunch Of Things (Like The Masses)
This one is a doozy!
When one of my graduate clients came to me, she was a harried mess. She was following 20 different gurus. She was in multiple programs. She was listening to dozens of free teleclasses. Reading a bunch of blog posts each day.
Newsflash: Do you REALLY think you’re going to get long-lasting, life-transforming results by listening to contradicting advice, free teleclasses, jumping from guru to guru and reading dozens of articles?
You’ve heard the saying, “throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what would stick?” That’s what she was doing.
But nothing was sticking. She got ZERO results.
She was FRUSTRATED, CONFUSED and was ready to GIVE UP.
I asked her to do FOUR THINGS:
- Stop listening to multiple coaches and gurus. (This meant getting off all the lists)
- Select ONE mentor whose message and methodology resonated with her.
- Invest in ONE high-level program that gave her what she needed.
- Follow what she learned in the program CONSISTENTLY for AT LEAST 90 days.
She did exactly what I said.
Within 12 months, she was married to a loving, handsome surgeon.
On to the next time-waster…
Time-Waster #3: Being In A Self-Improvement Trap
When I lived in Rome, every time I drove my scooter around the Colosseum, there always seemed to be covered with scaffolding.
By the time they finished the cleaning and restoration, a year had passed… And it was time to start the whole project again.
I used to joke it was an ‘eternal’ project in the Eternal City. (I’m glad they’re taking such great care of it though :-))
Just like the Colosseum, lots of women ALWAYS seem to be under construction?
They’re in “The Self-Improvement Project Trap.”
Endlessly working on themselves, by themselves. When they’re done with one area, they start another. Then another. Then another.
They’re never satisfied.
If I work on myself hard enough and long enough, I’ll get the results.
They say, “When I get to a better place, I’ll get support.” So they wait and wait and wait. One year passes. Then another. Next thing you know, five years later and the self-improvement project is still in full swing.
The problem with this is that they don’t know what they don’t know. (Which is why they keep going round and round)
Have you been working on the same challenges for months (even years) and still haven’t gotten the results you desire?
Do you think the right, high-caliber man who is loving, emotionally available and financially successful won’t want you because there’s something in your life you need to “fix” first?
Too many women miss once-in-a-lifetime opportunities (personally and professionally) due to the Self-Improvment Trap. While they’re endlessly “improving” themselves—instead of asking for support—life passes them by.
Don’t fall into The Self-Improvement Project Trap.
Stop trying to figure out what you don’t know. Don’t waste months (or years) of your life waiting for the ‘perfect time’ to get support.
There will NEVER be a perfect time. If you’re truly committed to getting results, NOW is the time to get support.
Time-Waster #4: Being A Victim Of ‘The Plague’
One of my clients is working on a million-dollar venture. She planned to spend the next 6 to 10 months creating a certain part of her service. This also meant, she wasn’t going to get a dime of compensation for 10 long months!
I reviewed her plans and in five minutes, I showed her a different way to approach the project. Not only would her venture be up and running in the next 60 days, she could start getting paid now—not in 10 months like she projected.
She said, “Rhonda, OMG! You saved me months of work! Had I done things the way I planned, I would have sacrificed spending time with my family, friends and fiancé. Thank YOU so much!”
Luckily, she is the type of woman who invests in the support she needs.
Well, I used to be the OPPOSITE of her.
The Working-Class Value That’s Plaguing Today’s Woman
When I was growing up, my mother taught me to REALLY stretch a dollar. One of my chores was to go through the Sunday papers to clip coupons. My dad was the Do-It-Yourself king, and my mom was the queen of Frugalville.
My parents worked hard. Very hard.
They came to the USA as immigrants in their twenties (from a British Caribbean country). They instilled (read “programmed”) these working-class values in me:
- Do it yourself (to save money)
- Hard work is honest
- I’ll figure it out myself
- Asking for support is weak
I have a lot of respect for my parents, and will always be grateful for all they’ve done for me. Yet, this mentality caused me to waste years of my life trying to figure things out on my own.
I struggled with a particular challenge for almost a year (due to my working-class programming as a child). When I finally got frustrated enough and serious about getting results, I invested $9,000 in a mentor.
A few weeks later, my problem was solved. I was angry, because by choosing to not invest in support, I wasted a year of my life, energy and emotion!
I never blamed my parents. I was an adult, and I made the choice to struggle on my own.
When we buy into ‘I’ll-do-it-myself,’ we end up exhausted, burnt out, isolated and repeating the cycle of failure. This causes us to fail and give up on our dreams before we even realize them, but boy are we darned PROUD of our efforts!
Don’t buy that nonsense. Think about things logically.
Look at the image on the right…
When was the last time you saw a queen doing hard labor?
A Queen is the MOST SUPPORTED woman in the world.
Do you think the Queen of England does her own laundry? Does Oprah do her own weekly grocery shopping?
Did A-List Hollywood actresses teach themselves to act?
Have you ever met a successful business owner who never had a mentor?
Do star athletes coach themselves?
I rest my case.
On to the last, highly devastating time-waster…
Time-Waster #5: Asking Family & Friends For Advice
Yes, they can give you advice. But before you take it, here are three reasons why it rarely works:
1. They can’t be objective. I was once engaged to an Italian diplomat. He was an AMAZING man. However, after a year or so, I began to feel we wouldn’t be right for each other. So, after speaking to someone who didn’t know our situation, I broke things off.
When I told my parents, they were hurt. They kept asking me if I knew what I was doing. They thought I should reconsider. They loved him. His family loved me, too. They already spoke of me as their daughter-in-law.
It was painful, yet looking back, I know I did the right thing. If I had married him, we would have been divorced today.
Those nearest and dearest to you can’t always see things clearly. They can’t be objective (even if they swear they are). They’re too close to your situation and emotionally invested in it. And whether they admit it or not, they often have their own desires and programming that may work against your best interest.
2. They don’t always have the best results. I had a girlfriend everyone thought was happily married. All of our friends used to go to her for advice. Little did they know her marriage was falling a part. Everyone was shocked when they divorced.
More often than not, the girlfriend you’re asking for advice is worse off than you. So how is she supposed to support you? You’ve heard the saying about the blind leading the blind.
This is why millions of women world-wide spend years trying to ‘coach’ each other and give each other advice–with poor result.
You get better, faster, long-lasting results when you invest in a mentor who HAS healthy relationships, a successful business, a great lifestyle or whatever the result is that you desire.
3. You may get what you want to hear—not what you need to hear. People say they never lie. The truth is most people do—even if it’s just to spare your feelings. A professional stylist will tell you that dress is not flattering, your girlfriend may not. A mentor will tell you that you keep attracting the same low quality men because of the energy you emanate, your girlfriend will tell you men are jerks—or if she’s positive, “Oh, it’s his loss. Keep trying.”
Not very helpful.
Now that I walked you through the psychology behind why women fail to have success on their own terms and the big 5 time-wasters that cause that failure, you’ve got ONE goal:
Place the power back into your hands.
In order to do that, there’s something you need to understand…
Why women keep falling into time-wasting traps?
Have you noticed that no matter the industry, there are always only a few ‘stars’ who rise to the top?
I’m NOT talking about people who are well-known, famous or celebrities.
Just look at the industry you work in. A handful of people are the highest paid, have the most freedom, get extraordinary results…etc.
You may not know their names, but you know they’re there.
They’re probably just like you, and you may be wondering what do they know that you don’t.
Well, that’s only part of the challenge. Let me explain…
Researchers at the University of Leeds discovered it takes a minority of just five per cent to influence a crowd’s direction – and that the other 95 per cent follow without realizing it.
So in any given industry, there is a small group (let’s say 5%) who are the gurus, experts, coaches and authors who spread information to the rest of the population (the 95%).
It catches on and EVERYONE is doing what EVERYONE ELSE is doing. And because it’s popular or deemed ‘conventional wisdom,’ no one questions it.
But think about it…
The weight loss, relationship and self-growth industries generate billions of dollars, euros and pounds annually. Yet success is slim for most women.
Even if we leave out the women who didn’t take action (or took action, but they didn’t stick with it), only a handful gets little results—and a whopping majority get NO results at all.
This is due to what I call…
The 90/10 Crème de la Crème Principle
The 10% rise to the top because they are doing, being and thinking about things in a way the majority (the 90%) are NOT. They enjoy fabulous lives, while 90% of women get little (or no) results.
The 10% STOP doing what the masses are doing, and START doing some very specific things the masses aren’t. (I’ll share more about this in Part #3)
But why do 90% keep doing what everyone else is?
1) They don’t know what they don’t know. They never get access to knew knowledge.
2) They do know, but choose to keep doing the same things, thinking it will eventually get results.
To be the crème de la crème, you MUST think and do things the 90% are not.
Here’s what you need to do next…
Figure out HOW you may be following the 90%. If you don’t, you’ll waste more time, money, energy, emotion and effort.
This may seem like a simple exercise. Yet, I guarantee you that FEW women will invest the time to do it. Most of us are too lazy.
If you keep doing the same things and not stopping to look at the result, you will never have success.
5-Minute Time-Wasters Self-Assessment
For your benefit, I want you to write down:
1. WHICH of the top 5 time-wasters have you done/or are you doing?
2. HOW LONG you’ve been doing them?
3. WHAT are your results?
4. LEAVE a comment below. Share your results, thoughts, questions or just comment. It doesn’t need to be too personal.
The more you comment and share, the better I can support you with advice. I read each one and respond to as many as possible.
This step is important, and if you skip this step, the Part 3 will be pointless :-).
So take out a journal and write it down. I suggest you have a High Value Woman journal to write in and do the exercises.
Keeping things in one place allow you to see how far you’ve come. This will inspire you to keep going forward!
Make sure you do the exercise now, it lays the foundation to what’s coming next…
We’re going to talk about what it REALLY takes for you to be The Chooser.
All areas of your life are connected. You can enjoy a Complete Lifestyle Upgrade without hyper-focusing on or ignoring an area. You can have the love life, social life and lifestyle you TRULY desire—on your own terms—while enjoying (and growing) the professional and financial success you’ve already created. Without the sacrifice.
Once you have the foundation, all areas of your life instantly start to improve.
In Part #3, you’ll discover “The Main Keys to Building a Sexy, Solid, High Value Foundation”
I’m glad you’re in our tribe because most gurus, experts and coaches don’t teach what I’ll be sharing next. I’m so excited for you!
Stay tuned for Part #3…